Advice Columns

Everyday I read the advice columns in the Post. Boy, I can't believe some of the idiotic issues that people complain about. I honestly wish I had their lives, because their problems are nothing compared to people being held in North Korea against their will, or a coup in Nicaragua, or the election in Iran.

For instance -

I am a newly married woman and have taken my husband's last name. Let's call him Roger Fullname. Recently a package arrived for me from my mother, and it was addressed to Mrs. Roger Fullname. I find this designation offensive. I'm sure that my mother didn't mean any disrespect and that she was taught that it was proper etiquette. However, it says to me that I am no longer my own person but merely my husband's wife. Am I being too sensitive? And what can I say to my mother and others who may address me in this manner? (Ask Amy)

My advice? GET OVER IT. You probably spent half an hour crafting up this question, a half hour you'll never get back. You could've taken a jog, or watched an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond. And why can't you just tell your mom not to call you that? It's not like she's a stranger, or your boss or something. Just say, "Mom, please call me Idiot like you always have."

At my ex-boyfriend's insistence, he and his fiancee will be double-dating with me and my boyfriend this weekend. Our relationship went badly and ended worsely, and this is probably a bad idea but we're committed to it now. Any words of advice? (Carolyn Hax chat)

My advice: Your boyfriend is obviously trying to make you jealous, to show you what you're missing out on. Instead of not going, I suggest you tell your boyfriend to stay home and hire a male escort for the evening. Like Dermot Mulroney in that movie, The Wedding Date. Make sure he's a lot hotter than your ex, and make him wear a crisp Armani suit. And rent a Maserati for the evening. That'll show your ex for trying to set up an awkward double date!

I found a bra (not mine) under the bed I share with my husband. I also found a Post-It note covered with a woman's handwriting stuck to the passenger door of his car. I think it's the work of someone who desperately wants not to be a secret anymore. Now what? (Carolyn Hax)

My advice: Why are you taking the time to write this when you could be breaking up with your husband, while wearing the unknown bra? Also, while waiting on the divorce papers to be served to him, start leaving jock straps around the house, too.